I hear some version of this constantly, "Oh, I miss these days.  It goes by so fast."  But all I can think usually is "I hope so!"  And then its something like today that makes me want to cry...I finally take out all the bins of too small clothes out to organize - donate, save for some lucky friends, or keep.  And as I look through all of them, I am SAD!  I miss little Emerson.  At the time, I probably thought about how big she was compared to months before.  But just looking at her little clothes from even last summer make me sad.  I have probably 10,000 pictures of that child (that estimate would seriously be on the low side most likely), but still get teary eyed when I see something super cute and little and don't know if I have a picture of her in it.  I know...She is only 2.5 years old.  I have a long way to go, but soon she will be 3 then 6 then 18 then 21...OMG!  I miss her at 2.5 already!  

On the other hand, I have Robert.  He is 9 months old.  He doesn't do anything more than a 3 month old.  He's on the small side and has only outgrown a small handful of clothes in his lifetime.  Sometimes I wonder if he will ever be bigger.  It's just this strange paradox between what I feel for Emerson and Robert.  I want her to stay little and I want him to be bigger.  I know that she will do great things in her life so I want to hold on to the now.  But Robert is just one big question mark so I want to see what he can do next.  

Why do I wish away time?  Just thinking back on the times that I have hurried Emerson to bed so I could just breathe alone or the days she has gone to MDO when she could have been with me, really weighs heavy on my heart.  Maybe its because I am about to lose my time with her.  I waited years after being married to think about kids because I wanted to ensure that it was the "right" time with the "right" person.  Well, I don't think I have to tell anyone how that didn't work out as planned.  I have a million emotions when I think about how MY time with Emerson is being taken away because of someone else's poor morals.  I hope that one day she will be able to understand that I am doing all I can for her, but unfortunately, am held ultimately the court's decision.  

My sweet girl, Emerson Grace...(one of my favorite pictures of her taken the night she was born!)