Orange Beach, Alabama

DISNEY WORLD!

We took a family trip to Disney World last week!  I will be posting our trip as mostly pictures and in a series of daily posts just like the trip progressed.  I need a little more time to sort through the 1500 photos we took in a matter of 5 days (you read that right...1500 photos!).  Check back next week as the pictures will start on Tuesday!

M-I-C-K-E-Y  M-O-U-S-E...Mickey Mouse!  Mickey Mouse!

Emerson's Big Girl Room Makeover (Part 1)

This weekend, Emerson was "away".  So in the hopes of being productive, more organized, and genuinely less stressed out, I have decided that I need to accomplish one project every other weekend.  I no longer have another person of the male variety to assist in making my life easier or lending a hand when two just aren't enough.  So when I have one less person to worry about, feed, bathe, and generally take care of every other weekend, I need to be accomplishing something...anything...!  

Cue Big Girl Room Makeover...

No - Emerson's room isn't receiving a new ceiling to floor redo.  I loved her nursery three and half years ago and I still love it!  I wish I didn't need to redecorate, but the crib bedding has long been tucked away.  The iron bed in a beautiful antique white finish even found a new home in Robert's room 19 months ago.  Emerson has a much cheaper white Jenny Lind style crib with only the toddler railing attached for the past year plus.  Originally, she wasn't supposed to have it for too long and it was just until she was ready to convert to a normal bed.  Well, that time came and went.  It has been long overdue to move to a normal bed.

Early last summer, I found a full sized bed with lots of spindles on an online resale site.  With the help of my Dad and a truck, the bed found a new home in my garage...for at least six months...while it patiently waited for me to find just the right bedding (sigh).  Time came and went.  At first, Emerson asked every single day for at least a month about her new bed that leaned up against the wall right where she got in and out of the car every day.  And I kept promising her that we would paint it very soon.  She eventually stopped asking and every once in a while would say something like she was just re-noticing it leaning in the same exact spot.  I promised her that once my life was in some sort of order (i.e. divorce finalized) that her bed would become priority.  And then just about the time I could breathe again...Robert's next major open heart surgery was scheduled.  Time flew by with no fresh paint on that bed.  Thanksgiving and Christmas were busy as usual until 3pm on Christmas Day when Emerson went "away" again.

The day after Christmas, I decided it was time.  I pulled up Pottery Barn Kids online and just made a decision.  Samantha Collection it is.  Love it in blue.  I mean LOVE it.  Just gorgeous.  But she has blue curtains.  And these blues will never match.  And those expensive blue curtains aren't going anywhere.  So pink it is.  One duvet cover and two shams.  I throw it all in the imaginary cart.  And it's on sale!  :)

I receive it a week later in 2013.  Yea!  I immediately open the box, admire my purchase, think about how Emerson will just love it, and then throw it all in the laundry room - box included.  Two weeks go by.  It's all still in the laundry room.  AHHH!  Why can't I get it together?!?!???  I have been waiting on the bedding to finalize the to paint or not to paint the bed situation.  It's obvious I need to paint the bed...So here's the conversation with Emerson...

Me: "Emerson, what color do you want to paint your bed?"

Emerson: "Pink."

Me: "What if we have pink sheets, pink pillows, and pink blankets AND we paint the bed BLUE?" [I am Oooooo'ing and Ahhhhh'ing like blue is the most amazing color ever.]

Emerson: "No.  Pink."

Me: "Emerson, everything else will be pink.  Wouldn't it be the best thing ever if we painted the bed BLUE?" [Oooooooo.  Ahhhhhhh.]

Emerson: "No blue.  Pink."

Me: "Emerson, do you want me to have BLUE sheets, pillows, and blankets so we can paint the bed pink?" [Gagging to show how gross that would be.]

Emerson: "No blue.  Pink everything."

That conversation went really far.  Girls and the color pink!  

Did I ever tell you that my favorite color is pink?  True story.

After school on Friday, Emerson and I took her fabric to pick out a paint color at The Heron House.  I have been hearing and reading about chalk paint.  I decided that was what I was using - nothing else but chalk paint.  And The Heron House sells it - plus has someone there to tell me how to use it.  I get to the store, check the samples, find the one I like, and its milk paint.  Not chalk paint.  So I am using milk paint with a top coat of polyurethane (not the normal stain or wax).  (Miss Mustard Seed does a great job showing you in pictures the difference between the two if you are interested.)

At checkout, the woman offers me a paint brush (for $3 - nothing is ever free!) that they recommend with their paints.  I agree.  Emerson immediately speaks up and says that we need two - not one - as she forcefully says, "My mommy needs a brush too.  She's helping me paint."  Gotta love a girl that will take charge!  We leave with paint in hand and go get ice cream!  

Emerson goes "away" that same Friday evening.  And the next Saturday morning, I am cleaning the bed for a fresh coat of General Finishes Baby Blue Milk Paint!  I hoped to finish the bed before she returns on Monday afternoon (long weekend for MLK).  

Before...

One coat...

Two coats...

After Polyurethane...

So what do you think???  I love how it turned out.  I will definitely be using milk paint again.  It was an easy application and delivered exactly how I suspected.  Yea!  Big girl bed frame complete!  Now stay tuned for the rest of the project!  :)

Emerson came home to find her new bed in the garage...And asked to jump on it.  Sure???  I snapped a picture of her "jumping" on her big girl bed.

And now Gymnastics!

Emerson has been begging me to take her to "nastics class" (begging is an understatement).  That's gymnastics speak for Emerson.  When she was 10 months old, she started gymnastics at The Little Gym on the Eastern Shore.  She continued with that every Saturday morning until July 2011 with a short break during our long stay in Birmingham last June and July.  Last August, I enrolled her in ballet at Debbie's School of Dance (it's just a tad closer than Fairhope).  She LOVES it!  But its still not "nastics".  It's not that I have anything else going on in my life (wink wink...cough cough...haha). So why not???  I looked up local gyms and found one close to home.  Plus, it comes highly recommended from my next door neighbor who has both of her girls in classes there.  I called this morning and today was our trial class.  

I watched her across the gym.  It gave me my Dance Moms moment watching from afar.  It was just her and another girl that was also trying it out.  They jumped on the trampolines, hung from the bars, played in the foam pit, etc.  Emerson would be a football field away and give me a huge wave when it was her turn.  It was so cute!  I could definitely tell that she enjoyed it.

After class, the teacher walked over to let me know Emerson did great.  And that she thought that after the next 6 week session, Emerson would probably be ready for the 4 year old class.  HUH???  I then explained to the teacher that Emerson wasn't even 3 yet.  And she would be turning 3 only at the end of the 6 week session.  (We were trying out the 3 year old class plus Emerson is rather tall.)  The teacher did seem a bit surprised, but said that she could still move up if she's ready.  Wow!  I guess Emerson is going to be a little gymnast.  Well, at least for the next 6 weeks.  ;)

I hear some version of this constantly, "Oh, I miss these days.  It goes by so fast."  But all I can think usually is "I hope so!"  And then its something like today that makes me want to cry...I finally take out all the bins of too small clothes out to organize - donate, save for some lucky friends, or keep.  And as I look through all of them, I am SAD!  I miss little Emerson.  At the time, I probably thought about how big she was compared to months before.  But just looking at her little clothes from even last summer make me sad.  I have probably 10,000 pictures of that child (that estimate would seriously be on the low side most likely), but still get teary eyed when I see something super cute and little and don't know if I have a picture of her in it.  I know...She is only 2.5 years old.  I have a long way to go, but soon she will be 3 then 6 then 18 then 21...OMG!  I miss her at 2.5 already!  

On the other hand, I have Robert.  He is 9 months old.  He doesn't do anything more than a 3 month old.  He's on the small side and has only outgrown a small handful of clothes in his lifetime.  Sometimes I wonder if he will ever be bigger.  It's just this strange paradox between what I feel for Emerson and Robert.  I want her to stay little and I want him to be bigger.  I know that she will do great things in her life so I want to hold on to the now.  But Robert is just one big question mark so I want to see what he can do next.  

Why do I wish away time?  Just thinking back on the times that I have hurried Emerson to bed so I could just breathe alone or the days she has gone to MDO when she could have been with me, really weighs heavy on my heart.  Maybe its because I am about to lose my time with her.  I waited years after being married to think about kids because I wanted to ensure that it was the "right" time with the "right" person.  Well, I don't think I have to tell anyone how that didn't work out as planned.  I have a million emotions when I think about how MY time with Emerson is being taken away because of someone else's poor morals.  I hope that one day she will be able to understand that I am doing all I can for her, but unfortunately, am held ultimately the court's decision.  

My sweet girl, Emerson Grace...(one of my favorite pictures of her taken the night she was born!)

Picture Day

My little Robert was SO CUTE today! I take a million pictures of him all the time, but he is always in a soft long-sleeved onesie it seems (it covers his g-button the best). We don't usually go anywhere (you know, germs and such...), but every once in a while, I get the urge to dress him up and take a few pictures. He sure is a cutie. He would be a perfect baby model because he loves to smile and turn his head for the camera. :) Look at this sweet boy! (This bubble was a gift from my dear friend, Courtney. She will be happy to know that R is finally wearing it (size 3 months...yes, he is almost 9 months old)!)

I really wish I had gotten a few pictures of Emerson today! She wore her adorable pink monogrammed top and ruffle pants. But she was too enthralled in Tangled and then it was throw it all on quick and get out the door so she could make it to Sunday School in time. That seems to be the case every.single.day.in.this.house.

I need to make myself take some new pictures of her this week! I just hope she doesn't end up being sick...She has been very whiny today and that usually means that she is on the verge of being officially sick. I foresee a doctor visit in my near future.

Today = Blah

Today has been a crazy day. I went nowhere. It was supposed to storm...or at least rain...or at least sprinkle. But it did none of the above. So I stayed home like a good heart baby mommy (yes - we still go nowhere when germs might exist). I didn't even drive to Starbucks or something of the like just to leave the house. Boring.

Emerson asked to watch Tangled twice...She's becoming quite the princess movie watching little girl. I hoped this day would come, and now that it has, I didn't quite think about how she would just want to watch the same exact princess movie over and over again. It's a really cute movie so I don't mind watching it over.and.over.again. But sometimes I would like to watch something else... anything else. Well, except for Team Umizoomi... (I am not a fan of the belly screen if you couldn't tell...)

Robert is quite the man-diva. (Is that a word? I think I just made a new word! Yea, me!) He likes to wake up slowly. By slowly, I mean, he wakes up very alert and wants the world to stop so he can "adjust" (i.e. no extra sensory activity than absolutely needed). Emerson, on the other hand, wants him to have every toy available at that moment. So she immediately goes off to round up these toys and bring them to him one by one. Sweet, I know... But really? Do we need all these (and on my bed nonetheless)?

I guess its just her thing...making a mess I mean. This is Emerson's room after her nap (see pic below). I have always kept toys out of her bedroom (it helps with sleep patterns...no distractions...). But now that she is interested in books (without my prompting), she pulls them out herself when she doesn't want to sleep (during naps and complete darkness at night). I guess I shouldn't complain...But I do get tired of stacking books by height (yes, OCD self is trying to force tendencies on 2 year old child - JUST KIDDING!). [Not really on the kidding part. I seriously wouldn't mind if she was super obsessed with keeping things in order.]

Mister Robert has been one needy baby today. He is extremely needy every single day, but today, I put him down only to change his diaper. I think I also got about 20 minutes of playing on his mat too. But I still had to be playing with him so that doesn't help me much in doing anything else. But my arms got a break at least. I do feel bad for Emerson on these days. She doesn't get much mommy time when he is like this. And it makes me feel even worse when I think back to her at this age, when I would let her cry it out (just a bit) so she didn't become so dependant on me. Unfortunately, Robert is not able to cry it out...think blue baby... His O2 sats drop into the 70s when he gets upset. Not good.

These pictures are actually from yesterday (Friday)...It makes me feel better knowing that we actually did an activity versus just doing whatever to just survive like today. She made her Granddaddy a picture. It may not look like much, BUT she used markers, glue, and scissors to create this masterpiece. Gasp! I know...Granddaddy better be proud. And it better be hanging in his office. Emerson has mentioned it about 100 times today wondering if Granddaddy found his tape yet (you know...to hang her picture).

It's almost 9pm now (exciting Saturday night, right?)...And I am blogging with a baby on my lap. He's *trying* to sleep. I say that because he sleeps a lot, but at the same time, doesn't sleep enough (at least long enough and hard enough apparently). I am beyond tired. I think doing a lot of nothing like today actually made me more tired than usual. It's times like these that I look forward to sleep.

Bedtime for Emerson is approximately 7-7:30. And it is definitely the hardest part of the day. She has always been a champ when it came to going to bed or naps. But in the past few months, it has just become a disaster unless she is beyond tired to fight about it. She sleeps well (for the most part) once she finally passes out, but its hard to get her there. I wish I was able to read her endless stories, lay down with her, etc., but I just can't do it. I have an 8 month old on a feeding pump with a heart condition usually crying in the other room. And unfortunately, when it comes to these types of things, he has priority right now. I guess this is when I would be able to tag team with that other person who should be actively involved in our home life, but that isn't an option. I keep telling myself, "this too shall pass". I sure hope so! It is heartbreaking hearing her upset at night only wanting me to stay with her. I just don't have any other option. I am not sure who actually reads any of this, but maybe someone out there can send up a little prayer for me about this. It really bothers me that I can't comfort Emerson when she is upset at bedtime.

On another note...I am trying to get back to my blog. I actually have quite a few posts that are still "drafts". I never posted them...Maybe its time to get those up so you can see what we have all been doing and, most importantly, how Robert has been progressing.

Confession Time

Confession: It is really really really hard to parent a 2 year old ALONE!

I find myself taking deep breaths and putting myself in time out almost every day. I know she is just a lovable rambunctious mini-me in training, BUT my goodness...Does she have to test my patience every single minute? In her defense, she woke up crying on Tuesday night asking to go to the doctor to "fix her ear". Yea! Double ear infection. And sinus infection with a bad cough. Double yea! So my frustration comes in that I have been without MDO for 2 days this past week. AND, for some reason, medicine seems to just be liquid sugar. Emerson doesn't act sick or sleepy for the most part (except for being grumpy).

Tonight, it was a fight just to get "the pretty dress" off so we could put pajamas on. She's asleep right now still in that pretty dress. She won. Oh well.

The part that hurts is when I can't read her all 10 bedtime books that she requests. It's beyond the fight to sleep in her pretty dress...It's when I can't read to her, sing her songs, or play the match game all because the heart baby is just having a rough night. Unfortunately, his crying and just general being upset takes precedence right now. And that often interferes with whatever it is that Emerson wants to do at that moment. It would be so much easier to hand him off to another loving parent who was capable of helping with him. Or even take turns with each child. But alas, I do it alone.every.single.day.and.every.single.night. I just wish that bedtime had not become such a problem that I collapse at the end of it and forget just how well the day actually went.

Back at home...G-Tube and all!

We are back! We were notified of discharge on Friday morning and then it was off to clean up and load the car so we could make it back to Mobile at a reasonable hour! I was able to actually sleep in a real bed on Friday night. It was more than I could ever hope for! I completely understand why a hospital can't be a 5 star hotel, but the running line seems to be that the extra "bed" for the parent/caregiver is notoriously awful...Why? Why can't they make it just a bit more comfortable? It's as hard on the caregiver to be in the hospital as it is on the patient. Oh well. There are more important things to think about anyway.

I did make it out of the hospital every day. I went "home" (i.e. the family friend's house...more to come on that in a minute) to shower each day and repack an overnight bag, plus to pick up break-lu-nner (that is the one meal that encompasses all three when you are staying in a hospital). I would pick up one decent meal from somewhere and bring it back for my mom and I to share in the hospital room. It doesn't sound all that great, but when you aren't doing much more than sitting in a small room, you don't really need that much sustenance.

We arrived home late last night (we = my mother, myself, and Bobby). Emerson was beyond excited to see us...which always makes you feel better. Love those longer than normal hugs. :) I think not long after, my dad went to pick up dinner and then my mom, Bobby, and myself fell asleep in the den. Somewhere after that, in a foggy daze, we hooked up the feeding pump and all went to bed. Sleep is important since you don't know what will ever happen next...might as well get it when you can.

Bobby always gives or brings Emerson a present when he is in the hospital. So just as any good brother would do, he brought home a present in the form of Disney's Repunzel from Tangled. Emerson loved it. And she gave Bobby a sweet kiss and thank you - unprompted I might add.

(At this stage, Emerson refuses to look at the camera/phone. Instead, she completely ignores any crazy thing you might be doing to get her to look at you. Oh well. This too shall pass.)

Today was a lazy day. By lazy I mean that we didn't go anywhere really, but it still wasn't quiet, relaxed, or even lazy. I did get to take Emerson out for a "cheese samich" at Camille's. And then we ran to Target for the essentials (i.e. Goldfish bread, bananas, blueberries, strawberries, grapes, and cheese). I also found a Disney Princess Ultimate Dream Castle for 70% off in the clearance section. Talk about a score! It will be going in the attic for a future birthday or next Christmas...whenever Emerson starts playing more with Disney princess dolls or Barbies. Then it was home to nap. Well, Emerson to nap. Bobby is still very much in pain so it's just a lot of holding and trying to make comfortable. I hope he improves soon. :(

I thought about this quite a bit while I was in Birmingham (multiple reasons...but it kind of goes along with my personal life problems). I thought of how I would ever thank the friends that offered a place for me...us to stay while trying to take care of Bobby's medical needs. There really is nothing I could do that would ever tell them how grateful I am for all of this. We have several very good friends that live in the Birmingham area that have offered the extra rooms in their home. And I truly appreciate it...And may be using it sooner than they think. But, in the meantime, we haven't had to exhaust others with our trips. So, I know I tell you, but just if you read it too, THANK YOU!

Robert is 6 Weeks Old!

Robert is SIX WEEKS OLD!

If I look back at the past 6 weeks, I sometimes think that time has stood still and it has been the longest 6 weeks of my entire life. At other times, I can't believe that 6 weeks have gone by either. I don't know if its because I compare the first 6 weeks of life to my only other experience - Emerson - or if its just exhaustion.

As for what Robert is up to these days...It pretty much includes sleeping. He sleeps ALL day. He does have moments of being awake, but those are fleeting and we make a big deal about it only to look down and see him asleep again. You can't help but feel sorry for the little guy, his heart is working really hard to keep up with his tiny body. And now that he has the shunt, it will actually be more tiring for his heart to keep up (having to pump more blood as he has the ability to send more to the lungs). Robert has perfected the sleeping through a feeding...and even burping. I still have to wake him in the middle of the night to eat.

We have had issues with feeding since birth practically, so just in the past week we have switched from Enfamil Nutramigen to Similac Isomil to Similac Alimentum. If you are just dying to know the reason...It includes blood in his stool (to be polite). He also had severe reflux (spitting up at any and all times of the day out of mouth and nose...gross)...The Zantac prescription has improved that problem greatly. But the other is still a work in progress. The Similac Alimentum was just started today. We will see how that goes. On the other side, I have had to restrict my own diet to a gluten free, soy free, vegan diet. Oh, the plethora of food options...[sarcasm]. Maybe the baby weight will fall off sooner than the previous 9 months after Emerson. For anyone else suffering along with me...Check out this blog: Collins Cooking.

So...to sum it all up...He probably isn't hitting any milestones. And its pretty much due to having to lie on his back, only being picked up like a newborn infant (the scoop technique), and sleeping through any type of interaction. He does seem to want to focus in on our face and study certain baby type objects we place in front of him, but it is only for a few minutes (if that long) until he falls asleep again. As for growth...I don't know how much he weighs exactly. He was 8 lbs 9 oz at birth and 9 lbs 3 oz before his heart surgery on July 22nd. I highly doubt he is over 10 lbs right now. He can still wear his newborn outfits and easily wears 0-3 months. And he is still wearing newborn diapers as the size 1's are too big.

As for Emerson (let us not forget the other child), she is insane. More energy than I have ever dreamed of having. With all this energetic enthusiasm, we are all learning the value of "time out" this past week. I am not sure if that is the best form of 2 year old punishment. But she has been acting out...I don't know if it is the fact that she is 2 or we have been transferring her back and forth from us (home or in Birmingham) and between grandparents almost daily. Nothing has been the same for any of us for a long while.

As for the next week, we will be traveling back home! We have 2 more doctor's appointments before we make the drive. And then hopefully, using the weekend to become acclimated to our house again...I just hope our pool isn't green upon return.

One more picture before I go...Robert sleeping [shocker!] in the Moses basket. The blue bean bag came from his last hospital stay in the RNICU. These are made and donated by volunteers from Threads of Love. It gives the babies a sense of security like being held. The nurses will drape it across their chest or shoulder when fussy...It's quite effective actually. We have continued using it when we have to put him down to do things like eat...or blog. :)

Picture Recap

Robert's stay in the RNICU at UAB (his first 10 days)...

Check out those sweet lips!

Going home!

The umbilical cord is still hanging on...

Sitting in wait in the ER at USA Children's & Women...

UAB arrives to pick-up Robert...Robert now says he only flies private. (Hahaha!)

And off he goes...

Back at UAB in RNICU...

Big sister, Emerson, and "Bobby"...Dr. Emerson came to try and fix "Bobby"...Thank goodness for insurance...!!!One last family picture before surgery...Phillip giving Robert a finger shake before surgery...Stay strong, little guy!
The nurse and respiratory therapist preparing for transport to the OR...
Robert looked back at us like this the entire walk from the RNICU to the OR...
Our drop-off at the OR. This is where we said our "see ya later's"...In the CICU, following surgery...
A day later, Robert is slowly coming off medications and various tubes being removed...

Robert was moved to the step-down pediatric cardiac unit after 3 days in the CICU...

This is puppy...Our new best friend! :) (A gift from Emerson!)

Incision 1 week later...