I'm Not Who I Was

Thunder and Reflection

It's one of those very rainy nights with an abundance of rolling thunder.  Kids love this kind of weather.  It makes them cah-razy.  This means Emerson will be back in my room in less than 15 minutes...again.  Robert is already next to me in bed.  So much for doing much of anything of any importance.  Joy.  I just went to turn off the lights and saw the three dirty bottles by the sink, the mounding piles of laundry, and the diaper bag, school bag, lunchbox, and purse that I dumped by the back door when we hurried in from the rain at 6pm.  Ugh.  I need at least 2 more of me.  One to do what I do now (which isn't much apparently).  One to keep up with what is going on in the moment (which is what I should have done yesterday).  And one to prep for tomorrow (which is what I should have done earlier today).  Do you see why I always feel behind?

This is when I often think of how it would be so much easier with two parents in the home.  But then I remember how I sometimes felt resentful when I was busy cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry, and trying to survive while my counterpart was busy doing anything but what I always needed at the time.  I don't ever want to feel that way again.  If I fail, then I fail alone.  If I succeed, I succeed alone.  Not a super pleasant thought but it's reality.

Emerson's back.  Time to play asleep.

And to lighten things back up a bit...(love this!)

My 1st Fabric Applique!

I sewed my first applique this weekend!  Oh yes, I did.  Domestic bliss, here I come!

Well, not really.  I am a little behind the curve ball on this one.  Emerson is almost 4 and really closing in on the 'too old for applique clothing' age.  I might be able to get away with it for a few more years.  Robert, on the other hand, wears plain white onesies every day.  Boy clothes are just awful these days.  Unless you want skull and crossbones or monster truck shirts then you better make your own options.  Not to mention Robert is 22 months old and still wears onesies daily.  Blame the feeding tube.  I didn't have many fabric choices and thread color laying around so red gingham and blue thread was the best option.  

In the great one word of Robert, "Uh-oh!"  I missed a big first step on the applique...I didn't use stabilizer.  Oops.  I am not so sure it will hold up too well after a few washes.  And my perfectionist self can't believe that I didn't cut away the fabric closer to make a more even seam.  Again, uh-oh.  It has that homemade look, but I kind of like it that way.  And Mr. Robert doesn't mind either.  :)

Photography 101

So I have a new obsession.  Photography.

I need a creative outlet.  Something that I can do.  Something I can do all my own yet have some sort of purpose.

I am not really that great at it.  But I like it.  I have one of those nicer DSLR cameras that every new mom totes around.  I can take pretty pictures of my screaming, crying children.  It's awesome.  Every once in a while they look like they are laughing or maybe even smiling when in reality its just when they had to calm down to actually breathe.  ;)

I recently signed up for a photography class.  It was a splurge for me.  The cost of the class is the equivalent of 3 therapy sessions (after insurance), 6 weeks of ballet, or 2.5 cans of Robert's formula (!!!).  And not to mention my time spent away from home.  But for sanity's sake, it is all worth it!

On the first day, we all pull out our cameras and it is definitely a show and tell where everyone starts comparing who has the biggest, the newest, the sparkliest.  Besides the woman that showed up with her pink point and shoot, I have the bobo camera.  I about choked at paying $800+ for my camera and the kit lens 3 years ago.  I have hauled it everywhere.  I have taken thousands and thousands of pictures.  Most are terrible.  Some, by complete accident, turn out fabulous.  I play with the buttons.  I basically mess it all up and then I put it all back together again.  It is like this big giant camera puzzle.  :)

For our first class session, we didn't take a single picture.  We didn't do much of anything with the actual camera with the exception of half of the class learned how to turn it on and hit the button.  I was a little bummed after class.  It was easy to see all these super fancy cameras with all their accessories in their shiny perfect camera bags.  I came home all sad, texted my most famous photographer friend who gave me some wise advise..."A perfect camera is like a perfect Bible...not used much."  Love her.

My camera has a few scrapes.  It has a ding in it from being dropped off the stroller in DisneyWorld.  It has been pulled off the table when the strap was left a little too close for the reach of small hands.  I have tried to be careful with it.  I have kept it stored in its bag.  I have kept the strap around my neck when handling it.  But it still has that used look.  I am sure my fellow classmates look at my camera with pity.  But I love it just as it is.

The reality is when I am super duper old, I will have no counterpart that says, "Remember when..." and reminds of me of the most spectacular of moments long filed away in my mind or even the everyday messes and struggles that seem so tiring right now.  I will have my pictures of these times.  They may not all be framed and highlighted on my wall, but they are there.  And if that is most of what I have then I want gorgeous pictures that provoke a feeling, a memory, a thought, an idea, and a passion.

As my class progresses, I hope to post my "homework" and see what you think!

Robert

I say, "Picture time!"  Robert says, "Not again!?!?!!!"  

30 Spaces in 30 Days Catch-Up

It has been quite a month so far!  I have been busy with just about everything and everyone!

I haven't abandoned my 30 Spaces in 30 Days project...I just haven't blogged about it!  Not all spaces are blog post worthy by themselves.  So I will get a few together at once for those, but some are definitely life changing (well, my life that is :)!  I just posted the Master Closet!

It is evident that since I started my 30 days officially on February 22nd that I may not reach my ultimate goal.  30 days are up... a few days ago - March 24th actually.  Oops.

Here is an idea of where I stand right now...(crossed out = done and checks = in process)

So I am extending myself two weeks.  I work on deadlines.  I need deadlines to get things done.  Therefore, I self impose deadlines on myself all the time for no other reason than I need it done.  And then I surpass my own deadlines and feel bad.  The endless cycle of life!

There have definitely been many days where I didn't work on anything.  Days I wasn't even home.  Life just isn't as simple as it comes across in a blog.  Emerson will be spending some time with her father in a week which should allow me time to wrap it all up without missing any of my sweet time with her.

My New Closet Needs New Accessories!

After the closet revamp, it was highly evident that I need some new options.  Taking on a formerly joint household by myself and Robert's medical bills, the extra funds for anything usually go to anything else but me and my style (haha - style!).  I have always thought I need to step out from my usual clothing stops, but I never do for whatever reason.  Instead, I pin ideas like this on pinterest.

Unfortunately, these are ideas.  And I never put anything this fabulous together EVER!  (Does anyone, really?)

Let's face it...The mid-price range clothing stores aren't known for their quality anymore (or ever?).  I guess everything is made in the same sweatshop in Asia or South America these days (sad).  I have very recently bought tops from Ann Taylor Loft and The Limited only to find a hole in the shirt the second time I put it on.  I seriously don't expect more than a season out of those clothing brands...But I do expect a season!

I read an article recently that discussed the current economic demands for clothing.  It showed a steady incline in the percentage of our income that consumers spend on clothing, shoes, purses, etc. over the past 100 years.  But it also graphed the number of items that we purchase - it was a steady incline as well until around the 1970s-80s where it began a sharp incline becoming steeper as the decades went on.  Therefore, consumers are increasing the number of items purchased compared to their spending.  Essentially, we are happy buying crap, as long as, it is more crap for the same money.  That makes sense.  Quality isn't a virtue in clothing anymore so instead of continuing to whine about holes in my shirts, I must join the masses and just buy cheap since I am apparently doing it anyway.

So on to becoming a savvy budget shopper.  I ventured into Forever 21 this past weekend.  I had never stepped a foot into that store until that day.  I was pleased and horrified all at the same time.  Forever 21 is an experience.  All I have to say is that like styles are grouped together so keep walking beyond whatever you don't like and you will find a grouping of items that you somewhat like.  Eventually, I walked out with a small bag that included a cream blouse ($14.80), a pair of shoes ($19.80), and a small birdie charm necklace ($2.80).  Total spent = $41.14.  Less than one top at Loft.

I then walked into JCPenney and found their new line - Joe Fresh - that I received an enticing advertisement for this week.  I am in desperate need of basics.  I bought five tops and two pants.  Total spent = $167.20.  I then drove home, checked my mailbox, and found a $10 off purchase coupon to JCP.  Of course.

A few of my new finds today.  :)

Shopping prior to today...Drive to Ann Taylor Loft.  Find arm fulls of randoms to consider.  Try on.  Buy whatever looks decent.  Spend too much.  Wear.  And sometimes never wear.

New idea...Drive to various stores.  Find outfits to try on including things in new styles, fits, and colors.  Try on.  Only buy what looks really good and is also a great price.  Wear it all.

I wouldn't say today was total success as I didn't buy anything that was actually "on sale".  But I did buy 6 tops, 2 pants, and 1 pair of shoes for around $200.  I am pretty proud of myself for that alone!  It is a vast improvement!

30 Spaces in 30 Days - Master Closet

I have problems.  I hold onto things for the "just in case".  I hold onto things for memories.  I hold onto things because someone else might want or need them.  I hold onto things for the past and for the future.  As for the present...It just makes me frustrated!

Master Closet - Day 1.

One of my biggest organizational issues is stuffing anything and everything into my closet.  I have two nosy toddlers.  So anything that needs to be hidden, kept safe, or just has no other place in the home, goes straight to my closet graveyard.  Thank goodness it is on the large side.  I would say it is the worst space in the house.  I probably clean it out the most of any space, but it almost immediately goes back to awful.  Awful.  

Before...(terribly embarrassing)...

About 15 minutes later (only removing items that should never by in the master closet)...

It then took about 20 minutes to decide what to do with everything removed and move it.  Lots of it just needed to go.  Every time I clean out a closet or a drawer, I try to figure out WHY I am holding onto so much crap.  And, yes, I mean CRAP.  It's all so random and annoying.  For instance, tonight...a pinwheel,  bunny glasses (like glasses in the shape of bunnies), and bubbles.  Um, what?  Obviously, I have kids.  But why do the kiddos get MY closet too?  Ugh.  MY closet needs to contain MY stuff.  And MY stuff ONLY!

Robert was asleep on the bed so I couldn't do too much demolition tonight.  Tomorrow.  Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will my dream closet.  ;)

Master Closet - Day 2.  

Clothes cleaned out...but what is left is a mess!

Shoes...Ugh.  Previous philosophy was just throw in and occasionally make pretty.

Oh...Do you remember the "rules"?  Well, I found a good example of things that need to go because they don't make me "happy".  It doesn't make me "sad", but it doesn't make me "happy" either.  It just is.  I don't know what to do with it, but it just can't be here.  Suggestions appreciated.

[Did you like my super professional "momtographer"photoshop effects on that one?  

I think it is awesome.  *insert sarcasm here*]

Master Closet - Day 3.  

The final results...

Pretty amazing, right?  I have opened my closet door just to stare at it a few times.  

Step 1. Pull all clothes that I just don't like (why did I buy this???), I haven't been worn in a year, or I don't know why I have to begin with (where did this come from???).  

Step 2. Divide into 2 categories - donate and try on.  

Step 3. Try on all the maybes.  Most of them go to the donate pile.  They are all too small, too big, fit funny, or are just not me.  

Step 4. Check out the keeps for stains, missing buttons, holes, etc.  Determine if I can even repair if I want to.  If not, throw away (some did go to donate...I mean one small button can be fixed by someone).  

Step 5. Recheck the keeps and pull more.  Repeat steps above a few times over.  

Step 6. Organize the keeps by type (dresses, skirts, pants, shorts, shirts).  Keep pulling more donate items as found.

Step 7. Put donate in car.  95 hangers in car.  Many, many, many more were folded and put in bags.  

Step 8.  Check out my progress.  Wow.

After I got my "keeps" manageable, I color coded.  Yes - I googled a color wheel and started with white and worked my way to black by each type.  Yes - I realize that may have been overkill, BUT it looks fantastic!

Color coded by type and hung on appropriate hangers.  

Here are my fall/winter "keeps".  I folded all my long sleeve tees, knits, and sweaters and put in the clear bins on the shelf above.  Since it was the end of the season, I found it a lot easier to let things go because I could easily remember why I didn't wear it.  I paired down the fall/winter group much, much, much easier than my spring/summer clothes (most likely because I have grandiose ideas of wearing everything that I haven't touched in a while).  

Note to self: Clean out closet in detail at the end of each season.  Much easier that way.

Color coded these too!  

Thinking hanging storage bags might be a good investment for out of season keeps.

Shoes, purses, and accessories (jewelry, belts, etc) are done much of the same way.  Most of that in my closet is years old.  I mean, years.  So it wasn't very hard to part with most of it as I am not really sure why I have kept it this long!  I haven't bought much of anything except out of necessity for myself since 2008 when I was preggo with Emerson.  Sad, right?

Shoes, shoes, shoes...

All fall/winter shoes put away on top shelf (cleaned prior to boxing).  

Summer heels on bottom shelf (cleaned too!).

Summer shoes placed on shoe organizer (cleaned too!).  

Flip flops in basket (Did you know you can wash the rubber soled kind in the washing machine (air dry!)?  

It makes them super clean and sanitizes.  Google knows everything.).

Purses, accessories, swimsuits/coverups, socks/tights/leggings...

All purses were given a wipe down and clean out if needed.  

Summer purses were put out so I would actually use!

I sorted, cleaned, moved, and organized everything.  Everything.

After seeing it clean and organized, it needs new paint.  The original painters obviously didn't think anyone would notice that they didn't really paint the top shelves.  It's a really rough primer coat.  It makes it almost impossible to clean.  And the walls are a stark white with a lot of years worth of dings and scrapes.  But I can live with it.  I have for 4 years already.  

Maybe a summer project... Paint my closet!  Sounds like fun!  Let me know if you are coming to help.  ;)

Orange Beach, Alabama

30 Spaces in 30 Days - Week 2. Done.

Today was catch up from a busy week.

Master Closet.  Done.

Master Bedroom.  Done.

Emerson's Room.  Done.

Emerson's Closet.  Done.

Robert's Room.  Done.

Robert's Closet.  Done.

Kid's Bathroom.  Done.

Boom.

Pictures tomorrow.  Sleep eminent.